Resolution # 1 of ???

To date, I have approximately nine things to accomplish on my list of New Year's resolutions. The first, which I shall now unveil, should come as no surprise to anyone who knows me: I resolve to lose 30-40 pounds this year. Why, oh why do I go through these ups and downs with my weight? Well, I can blame this last gain on my pregnancies with Gaby and Jojo. Gaby was 11 months old when I found out I was pregnant again. Usually it takes me about a year after giving birth to feel like my old self, full of energy and ready to exercise. Those plans came to a screeching halt with little Jojo because I had not shed the last 20 or so pounds of pregnancy weight!

As I think back, I can pinpoint when I began to gain astronomical amounts of weight, and it started when I was 26 years old. Before then, I'd gain maybe between 5-10 pounds and be able to lose it in a reasonable amount of time. So maybe I've always had somewhat of a weight issue. But I remember my 26th year when I was living in Phoenix working insane hours at the newspaper. I did not own a scale or a full length mirror, but I knew I was getting bigger as I had to buy increasingly larger skirts, pantsuits, and jackets. One day there was an old-fashioned scale in one of the offices for some ridiculous health fair, and I got on it and almost fell off when I was startled to see that I'd put on 40 -- yes, FORTY -- pounds in a span of a year and a half! I was at the weight I am now, but for some reason I can accept it now since I have had children. At that time I did not have children and was shocked at how these pounds had crept up without my knowing it. I realized I was in denial.

Today I watched 'Oprah'. For weeks I've seen the commercials for today's show which focuses on her 40-pound weight gain since her fit days a few years ago, and I did not want to miss it. She was somewhat in denial about her gain, but she also had a thyroid problem diagnosed. Her trainer said that Oprah may have even used her thyroid problem as an excuse to give up on exercise and diet. But he also noticed she had been somewhat depressed, and Oprah later realized that she had been drained. She was drained because of her show and other commitments, and the worst part is she forgot to take care of herself.

I can understand becoming depressed when one is drained -- I get the blahs myself. However, later in the show there was discussion about not being fulfilled or happy as a reason for depression, and then my mind drifted after that. Sometimes in our culture I believe that we focus too much on our selves -- our happiness. We may not be happy for whatever number of reasons (jobs, stress at home, etc.), but we don't know how to accept our situation and make it better. I do not think that we need to be 'selfish', but we do need to take time to focus on what is affecting our loss of perspective. In the future if my job does not turn out to be the most fulfilling career, I know that what will continue to make me happy are my family, friends, and hobbies. In our culture, most of us rely on our jobs to give us fulfillment, happiness. We live to work, instead of working to live! It's not like that in places like Spain or other European countries. Note: If you are truly depressed then you have the right to be 'selfish' and take care of yourself; Your loved ones will be better for it.

When I have the blahs or feel so run down, I read or write to feel better. But I have to make the time for it and get to bed a reasonable hour to be a good, patient mom the next day. I make plans with a friend and my mood lifts, and I know that my children benefit from a happier mom. So onward I go on my quest to fulfill Resolution #1 on my list because I have an incentive to lose weight (and the pressure to do so):

My cousin Maria's wedding next summer! My family is very excited to attend. As of today, I've got six months to lose this weight. If I can lose between 25-30 pounds by then, that would be great.

My friend Tanya and I are going to walk at the mall two mornings a week starting on Wednesday. This is the time of year that I also want to buy every exercise video I see on infomercials, so I also look forward to my 'Bender Core' exercise ball which promises to get me in shape. Then I've got the oh-so-reliable Tae Bo videos which helped me get into shape after my 40-pound weight gain all those years ago in time to wear my wedding dress. I shall look for other exercise videos on Ebay as well. Now that I've told you about this resolution, I better do it! Oh, the pressure!