Mom to Mom

Lately as I've read through some wonderful blogs (see my links at right), some from women I know personally, and I am reminded that being a mother can have many ups and downs. Being a stay at home (or work at home) mother is difficult at times, especially if you lack family support in the place where you live.

I moved back to my hometown almost a year ago and I know how stressful it is to raise a family alone. Although people mostly had good intentions, I found it was hard to make new friends while having small children whose schedules ruled my life. When I moved back home I was so relieved to be close to my parents again. But always I remember the loneliness I felt when I lived away. I hope that I can be a good friend to someone in need, but sometimes it is hard to reach out to others. We get too comfortable in our routines and forget that there are other mothers who may want or need our friendship, who do not have their own families close to them.

My own mother moved to this country when she was only 22. She married my father by proxy (her brother stood in for my father at the wedding!) because my dad could not afford a plane ticket back to Spain. And my grandparents told my mother no way was she leaving the country without being married, so they gave her a wonderful wedding and reception without my father present and off she went to live in a foreign country. I know she missed her parents and family terribly, but she is probably the strongest woman I know. She is a woman of true convictions and tremendous strength.

I was a little older when I moved out of the house and on my own for the first time. I ended up moving to Phoenix and it sure was a much needed wake up call for me to grow up. Oh, those were tough times in many ways. But what was harder was when I moved to the east coast with Mike when we were engaged. I really felt the distance from my parents -- I could not longer just hop in the car and drive a few short hours to go home for a visit.

So many times I wished my mom was able to be with me over the past years when I started my own family, but then I'd remember that the most she ever saw her parents was once every two years or so. And my brothers and I had, and continue to have, a close relationship with our family in Spain as a result of all the travelling. There was never any guilt sent towards my mother for leaving her family, although she herself felt some guilt. She and my abuela wrote letters to each other every week and she has saved them all in a drawer. It would have been great for Abuela to be alive at this time with the Internet and cheap long distance phone rates.

And so my parents did their best not to make me feel guilty for moving away either. If I could only come home once or twice a year, and they'd usually come visit once, they did not pressure me to see them more often even when I could not a couple times. They knew that their grandchildren would know them and love them no matter where we lived. But then Mike brought me back home, which is still something that I never believed would happen for me and my children.

It still gets lonely at times being at home with the children, and sometimes I am exhausted after a long day. And sometimes it is just downright monotonous. I am not good with unscheduled time. With three children at home, sometimes the grocery shopping doesn't get done on time or projects are left incomplete for another day. But I remember how it was living away and how desperate I sometimes felt, and then I remind myself to be a friend to someone who needs it. It's hard to make that call sometimes, but I will try harder.