They're Coming Home!

Old friends: Mike with Bryant, Linda, and Jeff

Some of our offspring

Mike, Gaby and Jojo have had a terrific time in TN, and now it's time for them to come home.  I know  Mike has been rejuvenated by spending time with family and some of his old friends.  Gaby and Jojo got to see the children of Mike's old friends at a fun birthday party one Saturday.  I know Gaby had a wonderful time because he hardly spoke to me on the phone these past couple weeks!  He'd ask to speak to Christian, "Mommy, I already talked to you!"  And Jojo is saying some new words like 'pizza'.  I'll post some photos from their trip soon. 

Christian and I had a fun weekend.  On Friday we spent time at the mall playing in the indoor playground and we met with Tanya and two of her children.  Then on Saturday we went back to the mall so Christian could meet with Santa to ask for for a DX game player (Santa is a little low on funds this year, but we'll see what he can swing -- and why is he here before Thanksgiving?!). 

Then we went to Borders to buy a study guide I needed when we noticed there were lots of kids in pj's wandering in the children's section.  Pretty soon Mrs. Claus and her elf stopped by to read 'The Polar Express' (we have the movie and it stays hidden with the Christmas stuff only to be viewed during that time).  During the part in the book when the kids get their hot chocolate, in walked staff from the cafe with hot chocolate for all the kids who were listening to the story!  They had a craft which consisted of making a paper chain, after which the kids paraded around the store with their bells (only those who believe could 'hear' the bells ring) while holding a portion of the chain.  By the time the kids walked back towards the children's section, there were many disconnected chains and a few tears were shed by the little ones. 

Afterwards, Christian and I went to the Rio Grande Botanic Gardens and Aquarium.  We got splashed by the stingray as we watched from above the tank!  We found the secret slide in the ant colony.  And we watched the trains go by in the gardens.  It seems lately I've neglected to bring my camera when great moments like these arrive.

That evening Christian worked on painting his Santa globe with Grampa while Yaya and I went to see an excellent movie: 'An Education'.  We can't wait to see the upcoming Almodovar film with Penelope Cruz called 'Broken Embraces'; the trailer looks good.  What can I say about 'An Education'?  There's truth to every character, as my mom said.  It's a bittersweet love story based in the early 1960's England.  I'd recommend the movie to anyone.

And yesterday we wrapped up our weekend by meeting Yaya and Grampa for lunch after Mass.  We also visited Uncle Frank who is in the late stages of a Parkinson's-related illness.  Christian was very curious about the breathing apparatus that Uncle Frank now uses.  It's a horrific disease that attacked a once very active man.

This week we will be celebrating Thanksgiving with my friend Tanya's family.  We're looking forward to a fun, relaxing visit (she has the honor of cooking the turkey). 

Hope all is well.

Newzapalooza

I'm leaving a post on this side of my blogs because it relates to my recent mammogram. Last week I had my first mammogram to get a baseline reading. My doctors have recommended in the past that women need have their first screening between the ages of 35-40 so it can be compared to future tests.

Then this week the government bureaucracy told American women to hold off on having mammograms until we have reached the age of 50.

The American Cancer Society is stunned by the news, of course. However, the Susan G. Komen for the Cure , and Susan G. Komen herself a cancer survivor who lost a sister to breast cancer, is now taking a similar position as the government, which is adding to the confusion and noise of this Information Age:

Other highlights of the new USPSTF recommendations include the following:

•For women between the ages of 50 and 74 years, the USPSTF recommends mammography every two years (rather than every year).

•The USPSTF notes that there is insufficient evidence to assess the benefit and harms of screening in women over the age of 74.

•The USPSTF recommends against teaching breast self-exam.

Although the USPSTF’s position on breast self exams may also be perceived as controversial, there has never been clear evidence that breast self-exams reduce breast cancer mortality.

It should be noted that the recent discussion regarding mammography recommendations is focused on women at average risk of breast cancer. Women at increased risk as a result of family or personal history may need to begin screening at a younger age, and may benefit from screening with breast magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) in addition to mammography. Women who have questions about the screening schedule and approach that’s right for them are advised to talk with their physician.

Unbelievable. We women have been told for decades that breast exams are important! Women in their 30's and 40's are getting breast cancer at increasing rates! Cancer is spreading like wildfire!

A couple weeks ago when I had my first consultation with my doctor, he asked me what I thought was the biggest killer of women. "It's cancer, of course," I replied. The doctor told me, no, it's actually atherosclerosis. Simply put, it's heart disease. But that's not the message pounded into us women constantly: do monthly self breast exams and have regular mammograms beginning when you're 40.

So then I met my nurse practioner yesterday for an annual physical and she was just as perplexed. She said she still advocates that women, who are in their 40's, continue to get mammograms every two years. She also told me that the majority of her patients who are currently undergoing breast cancer treatment are in their 40's. Now how does this jive with the government message?

What timing for this bit of healthcare news.

The independent government panel of doctors and scientists has insisted that the cost of such preventive testing was not a factor in its assessment of breast cancer screening.

"These recommendations have nothing to do with any kind of analysis that addressed cost effectiveness," Dr. Diana Petitti, vice chairwoman of the panel, told CBS News in an interview Tuesday.

"Cost effectiveness was not a part of the discussion. Cost was not uttered in the room," she said. But costs were referenced at least three times in the panel's report when assessing common types of breast cancer screenings, including clinical breast examinations, film and digital mammographies, and magnetic resonance imaging -- or MRIs.

"Digital mammography is more expensive than film mammography," the guidelines note, while MRIs are "much more expensive" than either film or digital mammography

How many of you know of someone who has had breast cancer or have supported the latest "Race for the Cure" fundraiser? Who isn't familiar with pink ribbons? An aquaintance of mine, who is in her mid-30's, just went through breast cancer treatment earlier this year and is on the road to recovery. She is in a high risk group; her mother had ovarian and breast cancer and died ten years ago, while her sister is a five-year breast cancer survivor.

Cancer screening does involve radiation, and it has been said that increased radiation exposure could increase the risk for breast cancer. MRI's are costlier and also involve radiation. But with the messages we hear constantly from our doctors, media, government, and advocacy groups, it can get downright confusing when they suddenly decide that what was once so important - vital! - to a woman's health is now not really important because of, uh, fewer lives really being saved in the age 40 group vs. the age 50 and older group. And it's maddening.

Until there is some clear evidence -- and not anything having to do with cost analysis by a government bureaucracy -- I cannot be convinced that mammograms are not needed at a younger age. Especially after years of hearing the opposite.

Just Say Yes to Broccoli!

Christian's school is having an anti-drug rally on Wednesday. He's in kindergarten. He will have to wear his tye-die T-shirt on Wednesday, and apparently the entire school is going to march around the school yard for fifteen minutes after some sort of presentation is given to the children.

I was wondering how this topic has been handled by his teacher. When I explained to Christian why he will be wearing his colorful shirt, he told me that Mrs. B has been telling them that sometimes kids take too much medicine. That's good, I thought. What a great way to get kindergarteners familiarized with the purpose of this rally. How can a parent possibly discuss an abstract concept of drugs with a child other than by making a comparison to medicine?

So on Saturday I took Christian to a birthday party that one of his classmates was having and I visited with the father of one of his friends who, by the way, has a very good dry sense of humor. The subject of the upcoming rally was brought up and he said, "They're kindergarteners, for gosh sakes! Why are we having them participate in an 'Say No to Drugs' rally when we haven't even gotten to that point yet? They're not going to understand. Why not have a 'Say Yes to Vegetables' rally or a 'Say Yes to Milk' rally?" He made a good point.

And than I began to think about it further and wondered if Christian will refuse medicine next time he's sick after having participated in this anti-drug rally. Nah; he's too much of a drama king to avoid it. Besides, we've had plenty of teachable moments around here about the dangers of drinking medicine without Mommy or Daddy first administering it. We'll move on to bigger topics when the kids are at the right age.

Just Say Yes to Longer Sleep Hours

Peace and (Almost) Too Much Quiet

Ready to roll

One last dig in the yard

Mike, Gaby and Jojo left for Tennessee yesterday and will be gone for about two weeks. It will give Mike much needed time, while he has it, with his family & friends. He deserves it. It felt strange sleeping in our house without them last night, but Christian and I will get used to it.

He and I are going to have fun. Christian went with me on a walk while he rode his bike yesterday. It was a good way to get rid of the sadness of the boys leaving. Christian's really encouraging me to get in shape in his oh-so-subtle ways ("That's junk, Mom." "You really need to lose some weight around your arms and your chin under here."). So exercise we shall. And then we'll see some movies, go to the museum with Yaya and Grampa, and attend some birthday parties, too.

And while I'm home all alone during the day when Christian is at school, I shall relish the time to get some studying, housecleaning, and clothes sorting done. And maybe a little more blogging time, too.

A Smashing Good Time

I had my first mammogram today and I'm glad I finally did it before I turn 40. A bit of maneuvering and awkwardness for a mere five minutes was worth it.

My Kind of Marathon

One day I shall cross the 50,000-word line. I know many of you have or in the process of doing so. Write on!

Source (The Anchoress)

Boo!

Three little weasel boys waited all month LONG for Halloween to arrive.

But FIRST there was Christian's parade of costumes at his school.

Two little Bat Men-Boys take a ride down the school slide.

All dressed up and ready to start Halloween - FINALLY. Three matching costumes sent by Nana and Papa.

The house was decorated and ready all month LONG. Sheesh...when is Halloween going to arrive?

Two scary parents ready for a fun night riding in Tanya and Darren's hay-filled trailer through the neighborhoods to find our treats.

Brrrrreeezing!

A couple weeks ago we stayed at the cabins in Cascade, which are rented by Aunt Tonie's Sisters of Charity order, located in the mountains near Colorado Springs. It was such a good getaway, even though I spent much time alone while my parents, Mike and the boys went on a couple day trips; I had a particularly tedious assignment to work on and relished the time alone. It was freezing and did not go above 30 degrees...brrrr!!



Meanwhile, as the clouds hung over Cascade and the mist turned to ice on the branches, the temperature on the other side of the mountains was in the 60's! They visited Aspen, Maroon Bells, and Breckenridge, places I'd like to visit when we return. Mike has a passion for photography and took these photos. He was disappointed that there was some wind at Maroon Bells and was therefore unable to get a good photo with the lake's reflection of the mountains.

The boys at Maroon Bells


Aspen


Life is going well, all things considered. Mike and I are working on some projects around the house and I'm taking advantage of having him here. I also get some extra study time at the library during the day when I need it.

Being close to nature is refreshing and helps clear the head. While Mike works hard to find another job, he's also taking some much needed time for himself. Mike took Gaby and Jojo to Ouray, CO this week and they spent one night visiting the beautiful area. He's also getting ready for his trip to TN next month and will be taking Gaby and Jojo with him. Luckily, all three kids are great travelers...they had no choice! Mike hasn't been back home in two years and he's looking forward to seeing his friends and family. And I'll have time to study for the exasperating GRE test and some alone time with Christian.

Through all this craziness of his losing his job, we are doing well. Mike takes care of us all and is taking care of himself. He's running and exercising, has lost some weight, has a lot more energy and is optimistic about his future. And are marriage is stronger for that.

I hope the health kick bug finds me soon, well maybe after the GRE or after this semester ends ... or maybe by next summer. Oh, nevermind.

No Shame

Life can really throw you some curveballs. Mike was let go from his job a couple days ago. Boom -- let go without the benefit of a severance and at the end of the month when our coverage was to end. He is now 0-2 with the past two horrendous job experiences, and he's hoping the third time's a charm. Luckily, he gets unemployment benefits, we are awaiting to hear if we qualify for health coverage (the children will certainly have Medicaid), and we may even be able to get food stamps. Wow, never thought we'd be in such a position, but we are.

We actually feel upbeat right now. I don't know why with all that has happened recently. I used to say if you have a job -- any job -- that you're lucky. Now I say if you have faith and good health, you're pretty blessed. Friends and family rank right up there, too. Maybe it's because I live near my parents and my old friends that I feel better. My spiritual life still needs some work, but I'm trying.

I have a medical issue that I want to check before too long, and today Mike discussed it with his doctor when he had his physical. He also told her about our health coverage concerns and explained that he wants to continue having her as his doctor if possible. This wonderful doctor spent her usual hour and a half with him. Yes, that entire time was spent with the doctor and not in a waiting room or in an actual room alone. She is Indian, believes in meditatation, and was knocked off her stool when Mike's labwork came back. Mike has been removed from his cholesterol and high blood pressure medication, and she is the first doctor who has ever been proactive with regards to his health. You would think that his blood pressure would be through the roof with the stress of losing a job, worrying about the family, etc. She was keenly interested in what he has done lately. For the past month, Mike has made some important changes: better diet, exercise, and eating smaller portions. Within that timeframe, he also is communicating so well that for the first time in our marriage I don't recognize who he is. We've had some major overhauls in our marriage recently. His doctor went over some breathing exercises and they did it together for 15 minutes this afternoon. She does not believe in eating meat, says to eat fish no more than three times a week, and eat lots of beans, rice, fruits and vegetables. This carnivore does not eat fish, but maybe this will encourage him (Mike doesn't know what he's missing). And now this caring doctor is having someone in her office contact Mike tomorrow to let him know how to continue the same health coverage so that I can go in as soon as possible. God bless her.

Mike has had a lot of support from his former employees, some of whom have called him since this happened last Tuesday. Mike had refused to write up three of his employees for an incident that was not their fault and that was perhaps viewed as insubordination in his employer's eyes and was the final straw for them. Sometimes doing the right thing is difficult. And that seems to be what life is all about. It's not meant to be an easy or a straight path. We're all here for a reason.

Tonight my brother Sergio asked me if I am going to continue with school. Honestly, I was ready to drop out a few nights ago, but then I realized that I need to keep working at it because if I don't do it now it may never get done. Our conversation and his insights cheered me considerably.

So if you are reading this, know that you are important and dear to me my brothers, family, near and far friends, and friends from the past.

"But When Am I Going to Grow Up, Mom?"

Christian started kindergarten a few weeks ago and what a difference a year makes! We held him back last year because then he was not ready for school.

The issue of holding a child back a year is a delicate one, I know. But in our case, it was the best thing we could have done for Christian. You see, it was due to his maturity that he was held back, and it would have been detrimental to him to make him struggle through the rest of the year. He knew his ABCs and 123s, but for him kindergarten was overwhelming compared to preschool. And the struggling could have continued for the next twelve years after that -- for all of us.

I, too, have a late summer birthday and was not ready for school when I started at the age of six. I did not have the opportunity to attend kindergarten and was thrown into first grade and struggled throughout the rest of primary, secondary and college years. I wanted for Christian to enjoy school and therefore enjoy learning. I realize many kids are ready when they're ready and it's up to each family to decide when to start kindergarten.

We are proud of Christian and the progress he has made. He rides the bus to school and knows not to get off unless one of us is there. He has the same teachers as last year and that makes all the difference.

So, this year Christian has achieved many milestones: kindergarten, learning to swim like a fish, two missing teeth, and riding a bicycle without training wheels. I hope our son will continue to enjoy school and that his intrepid curiousity never diminishes.

I Yike the Way He Yaks

This fall I started the speech-language pathology program at UNM and I'm taking three courses: Intro to Phonetics, Phonological Disorders of Children, and Language Development. It'll be a long road to completion of a Masters in SLP. What I especially am interested in is how children develop language/reading skills because of the different stages that each of the boys are at. Gabriel has by far the most interesting vocabulary and it is changing as he grows up (that's part of the reason I blog!). For the longest time he would say 'mocoyo' for motorcycle, and I continually have problems understanding what he is trying to say because of his lisp and way of speaking. Sadly, Christian usually has to translate for pathetic me. Every time we view videos of babies and toddlers speaking in one of my classes, I marvel that I have three little case studies right in front of me. Gaby still pronounces the /l/ sound like /y/ as in "you".

The other day my parents took the kids to McDonald's to play while Mike and I went out. We were in serious potty training mode for Gaby last week so that he could begin preschool this week. Unfortunately, I had to pull him out of his class because he is not "fully potty trained" as required . I'll live.

Anyway, while at McDonald's Gabriel told Grampa that he needs to go to the bathroom. When they entered, Gaby pointed outside the stall and told Grampa to wait there.

Grampa heard the toilet flush about three times and wondered what was happening. He asked him, "Is everything ok?"

No response. So Grampa cracked the door open and peeked inside.

Gaby was sitting on the commode with his eyes shut tightly and hands covering his ears. Apparently, each time he tried to move, the automatic flusher would go off.

Gaby told Grampa, "I don't yike it. It's too yowd!"

Keep Those Stamps Coming

Before he went to school this morning, I explained to Christian that he may see President Obama on TV explaining to all the kids at school and around our country to do well in school, study hard, and pay attention so that they can get good jobs & help society when they grow up.

Christian: "But if we don't do good in school that means we can't get a job?"

Me: "If you don't do well in school, you will not be able to become a veterinarian or whatever you want to do later on."

Christian: "But we'll still get stamps, won't we?"

I tried to explain that good behavior stamps come to end when we grow up. That's what good evaluations and pats on the back -- if our employers are decent -- are for.

Here are two guys who hand out nice compliments for free every week on the campus of Purdue University.

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What a world we'd live in if we took the initiative to hand out those stamps.

Wedded Blessedness

Mike and I just celebrated ten years of marriage on September 4th. I am not an expert at marriage because we live it day by day...

year to year, prayer to prayer...

bliss to sometimes diss, coasting or careening by the seat of our pants, and through it all arriving at the same conclusion always. What would one do without the other?

RULES OF MARRIAGE -

as described by kids

1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

-You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF 2 PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8

7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.

--Anita, age 9 (bless you child )

8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is (and my personal favorite)

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck ..

-- Ricky , age 10

Some Lighter Stuff

This video reminds me of my brothers. It doesn't hurt that Neil Diamond makes an appearance, too.

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Bad Things Happen in ....Fives????

I have not been able to keep up with this blog because we have had a little excitement lately.

First, my mother broke her arm when she went to answer the phone late in the evening the night of our return from Spain. The airline had lost two pieces of luggage and had called around midnight to arrange to deliver them to their house. My mother was still half asleep and in a jetlagged state when she got out of bed to answer the phone quickly knowing that it was the airline calling. She does not know what she tripped over, but she ended up with a fractured wrist and some painful bruising on her face. Her cast is finally going to be removed next week.

A few weeks ago my cousin Alberto called to say that Tio Alberto had tripped at La Torre and fractured his femur close to the hip. They had to rush him from northern Spain to the hospital he works at in Madrid for surgery. Had he not had the position he has at the hospital, he would've had to wait at least three months for surgery (I'm not a heartless person; I'm absolutely against socialized medicine for that very reason among many others). He ended up having a pin put into his leg and was in severe pain probably because he has Paget's Disease, a secret he had withheld from the family for several years and for which he is now receiving treatment. Paget's is not curable, but treatment can prevent progression. It is hereditary as my grandmother had it, and a few years ago my brother and I observed that he walked with a limp like Abuela used to.

A couple weeks ago my mother-in-law came to visit and the day she arrived we took the boys to a park nearby. She started to complain about a sharp pain on her left side and thought it might be her diverticulitis acting up. But as we were driving home the pain was so severe that Mike took her to the ER that evening. She was misdiagnosed with diverticulitis and urinary tract infection, but as the weekend wore on (we celebrated Christian's birthday that weekend) she still did not feel better and by Sunday she was in agony, so back to the ER she went with John. The next morning John called to tell us she was going to be rushed to another hospital because they had found a 6-cm. (2.4 in.) mass on her left kidney, which turned out to be a benign kidney tumor (angiomyolipoma) that had to be embolized in order to starve and subsequently shrink it. Brenda needed to stay in the hospital for a few nights and recuperated for another week here in Albuquerque. She returned yesterday to Tennessee. We are so grateful that she is doing better, and they will see a urologist in the next month to see if the tumor has shrunk.

While she was here recuperating, last Friday morning I awoke at 5:30 to sharp pains in my abdomen and ended up in the ER myself because of a kidney stone that passed. Out of desperation I called my next door neighbor at 6:45 begging her to take me to the hospital because I knew I could not drive myself. Let me tell you, having a kidney stone is the worst pain I have experienced. I would rather repeat the petocin-induced labor, back labor pain and the too-late epidural that I had with Gaby than go through another kidney stone again. I was alone vomitting in the waiting room and a "helpful" person stuck her head out to tell me, "There's a bathroom down the hall," and then handed me a tub. I remember being in such miserable pain moaning, "Someone please help me." I had visions of being left alone to die in the ER waiting room as what happened to the poor lady in New York last summer as I myself was writhing in pain on the floor, vomitting into my pretty pink bucket as a hospital worker passed me by with nary a sympathetic glance in my direction. Finally, I was able to walk/crawl to the bathroom and finish my business. And suddenly I was able to walk upright back into the waiting room. I felt so foolish thinking I had had gas or some stomach bug, but I was told told my symptoms were those of passing a kidney stone. Here I was in the hospital while my mother-in-law, who went through something much worse, was waiting at home with the boys. She was a real trooper.

And the final bit of news is that my sister-in-law's parents were hit head-on by a drunk driver in Pittsburgh last night. It's miraculous that they survived as many victims rarely make it through such a crash. It happened right in front of the cemetery where their son was buried some 13 years ago. Jeanne's parents are doing well, although her mother received the brunt of the force on the passenger side and will be recovering for the next couple of weeks in the hospital. They both had to endure surgery for broken limbs and gashes. Jeanne and two of her sisters live in Dallas, and last night was a particularly ominous evening with dark clouds covering most of the city. Jeanne noticed something as she was driving home. "Look, Daniela. There's a pink shine coming from those clouds. That means Uncle Daniel is in heaven watching over us." It happened at the time when her parents were involved in the crash in Pittsburgh.

Even though this has been such a weird summer with all these happenings, I feel so lucky because things could have turned out so much worse for each of us. We have our lives, our families, friends, and love. Above all, God is good.

There is a reason for everything and someday it will be clear.

Spain, Part III

There is a special place that has captivated all of us since we were children: La Torre. This is the house that my great-great-grandfather Ventura bought in 1865. According to the county records, we think the house is about 400 years old. It is located in Soto-Iruz in the northern province of Cantabria. No one lives in the family home; it is used during vacations and quick weekend trips by my mother's family and my Tio Alberto's family. Obviously, Tio Alberto's family uses the house much more than us.

I have often wondered who this jauntily dressed man is outside the wall of the yard and the girl leaning over from the gazebo on the other side.

Inside the house are old photos from the 1800's and early 1900's. My great-aunt Margarita, who died in 2002, would tell us stories about those relatives and could recall every story ever told to her. I took pictures of photos because there was not a place where I could scan them myself. There is also a photo album stand in the salon in which many old photos are stored, but it would be impossible to remove the faded relics without tearing the page. I wonder about some of those people in the pictures and I recall some stories I heard over the years...

My great-great grandfather Ventura went to Cuba during his teen years or early 20s and earned his wealth through a department store he owned called La Oriental - that much we know is true. There is a painting of the store which hangs in the study room.

Depending on which version I've heard, when my grandfather was in his 30s he sent for his Spanish wife - or fiance - to meet him in Havana, but somewhere during the three-month trip across the ocean she fell in love with my grandfather's attorney who was accompanying her. Either she arrived pregnant or never arrived at all because she ran off with the attorney never to be heard from again.

So, great-great-grandfather Ventura decided at the age of 40 to marry his 20-year-old niece - yes, his niece - Antonia in Spain after selling his business in Cuba. It was 1865 when he bought La Torre. Together he and Antonia had three boys and a girl. The oldest was our great-grandfather (Ventura), Angel, Vicente, and Belinda. The three brothers stayed in Soto and our grandfather Ventura inherited La Torre. Angel and Vicente each built houses in the village and raised their families. My aunt went to another province after marrying and contact with that branch of the family faded. The sons, although trained lawyers, never worked and lived off their inheritances.

Great-great grandfather Ventura




Although the house, which sits on a hill, is known La Torre, it was actually named Villa Belinda.

After great-great-grandfather Ventura died, great-great-grandmother Antonia was widowed at the age of 40. She later met and married a Mexican diplomat (no one remembers his name) who was 15-20 years younger than she and they had one son together. The new husband went through her money and spent lavishly on parties, brought a gardener from France to design the yard, etc., etc. My grandmother MaTeresa later told my mom that he died of syphilis because of his constant cheating on Antonia. Antonia and her husband's son (whose name we also do not know) later had a son named Antonio and a daughter, Angelines. In later years, Antonio joined the foreign legion; he was a mercenary fighting wars in Africa and other places around the world. He used to show his handkerchiefs full of blood to prove injuries and beg for money from the family when he visited Madrid. He may have been 'touched in the head'.

Well, great-grandfather Ventura was still single at the age of 32-33. He purchased apartments in Madrid and had other properties. He met the daughter of Spaniards living in Cuba named Teresa and they later married. She was forever known as 'La Cubana'. My mom grew up hearing the stories of great-grandfather Ventura -- how he helped the less fortunate in the village during the very rough years during the Civil War (1936-1939) even when he lost much. People don't forget your deeds and misdeeds in a tiny village. Great-grandmother Teresa was somewhat stern and serious. They had five children: Maria Teresa (my grandmother & the oldest), Ventura, Margarita, Belinda, and Tonio.

During the Civil War the family was separated. My grandmother, MaTeresa, her mother ('La Cubana'), Tonio, who was finishing high school, and Belinda were in Madrid preparing for their summer in Soto when the war broke out between the communists in power and Franco's conservative forces. My great-grandfather had left earlier with Ventura and Margarita. The family remained separated for three years. However, La Torre became a base for the communists for a short period as it was one of the headquarters for that valley when Santander was under communist rule during the Civil War. I'll never forget the old tile, which has been replaced in the past 15 years, cracked from the horses' hooves as the troops overtook La Torre. My great-uncle Ventura rushed from La Torre to meet Francisco Franco's troops. Franco was liberating parts of Spain and was headed north where his forces eventually liberated Santander. I'll never forget awaking in the middle of the night to hear Uncle Ventura screaming in his sleep from the nightmares of the war decades later.

Another branch of our family - great-grandfather's brother, Angel's, side were leftists. Tio Antonio was living very well as a businessman in Santander when the province was under communist rule. When the Civil War ended in 1939, Antonio escaped to France, then Cuba, even to Dallas, TX and stayed away from Spain for three or four years until it was clear he could return safely. It was with this family that Tia Margarita stayed during the war, along with other cousins in a nearby village of Villasevil, as food shortages were affecting great-grandfather Ventura's ability to feed the two of them.

Abuelo and Abuela's wedding photo shortly after the end of the Civil War.



BLACK LEGEND

Many people have asked whether or not La Torre is haunted. Although I have not seen anything myself, the third floor of the house is one I do not like to stay in. It was four years ago that Uncle Alberto told me about the 'Black Legend'.

He has been at the house when unusual things have occurred, such as lights being turned on suddenly in the middle of the night when he is asleep, or hearing voices downstairs. My mother used to wait for us to come home after a night out and we would not return until 3:00 AM or later, yet she would not sleep until we returned home, and all the lights on the second floor were kept on. She said that sometimes she'd hear voices downstairs, such as the chattering of years past of her mom and aunts late at night planning the next day's activities. Friendly voices, in other words. But still, when you are alone in such a large house, it can be disconcerting. I myself have not heard voices, but that third floor has always made me uncomfortable when I am alone. The summer that Uncle Alberto told me of these experiences and of the 'Black Legend' was the first and last time I stayed on the third floor. Mike and I actually left the lights on when we slept.

The first version of the Black Legend is the story of how the previous owner of La Torre had to sell the house quickly and he committed suicide in the dining room because he was distraught over the sale.

Another version I have heard is of another (perhaps the previous owner?) killing himself in the study downstairs. I have never liked going into the study either.

Tata, who cooked for us this summer, had a few incidents: she cut her finger one time when using a pruner in her yard; she would not watch the kids without her husband the night of the Maria's wedding; she had to see a doctor about a pain in her side; and then she lost her voice one day. Out of exasperation she exclaimed, "It's this house!"

I cannot say that there is a 'bad' or 'evil' presence, but I sure wish I could hear those walls whisper -- so long as I was with others and that it happened during daylight hours.

La Torre constantly drifts in my mind and in my dreams and is a place filled with rich memories of my past and of my family's past.

On Aging Rockers

This morning we caught Twisted Sister on 'Regis & Kelly Live'. The lead singer was all glammed up.

Christian asked: "Does he make balloons? Does he like kids?"

I guess Dee Snider does look rather like a clown than a drag queen.

Spain, Part II

When driving in rural parts of Cantabria, which is mostly rural anyway, one either runs into....

a bicycle race...

or into a herd of cattle.



Oh my, it took us at least fifteen minutes to drive around these 20 or so cows. There were at least three times that many up ahead. Mom tried to speed up the process by yelling, 'marcha!' at the cows. Gaby enjoyed the view. He rolled down his window to holler a friendly 'ayo!' at the animals while Mike snapped some photos.

My mom and I began to wonder if we should've turned right instead of left from the restaurant in Cosio. Oh, but we were laughing so hard the tears were pouring down our faces. Jaime pulled up beside us, "Are you sure we're going the right way?" We weren't sure.

The farmer (cow herder?) confirmed our fears. We were indeed going the opposite direction from Puentenansa. We had to turn around on the narrow road between these animals. In the meantime, Jaime, Dad, and Jeanne were behind us. I knew Jaime would not be amused. Mr. Zippy Dallas Driver, Outta-My-Way, Drive like the Spaniards, Horn Honking, Tailgating, Haven't Got Time for a Relaxing Country Drive with the Damn Cows brother. That's his car.

"We'll meet you in Covadonga!" he yelled at us as we turned around between cows. He got trapped by this cow and could not turn around as quickly.




This tickled me even more. Why do I take such pleasure at his grouchiness?

Spanish Dreams

We just turned from Spain, my favorite place on earth. I was away from cable tv, newspapers (for the most part), and the Internet for three weeks. And you know what? I only missed it a teensy bit.

My parents took all of us to help celebrate their upcoming 40th wedding anniversary, and we had a great reunion with my brothers, sisters-in-law, and nieces. The only one who was left behind was my nephew Anthony, who stayed with Jeanne's parents in Dallas. We also planned our trip around my cousin Maria's wedding to Javi on June 13th, which was the highlight of our visit. So much to share, and I hope you enjoy the photos and some of the stories.

Maria and Javier's Wedding

Cousins Jojo and Simone chat before leaving to 'El Convento' (Monasterio de Nuestra Senora del Soto) for the wedding.

Gaby strikes a pose in front of the hydrangeas in the yard.

Maria had every last detail down. She arranged for several buses to transport us from La Torre to the convent and later to the reception in a different village, and others were used to pick up friends and family from various hotels. This was quite a well planned production with friends and family who came from everywhere.

The beautiful bride descends the stairs.

My cousin Alberto, me, and his godson Joseph Sebastian (Jojo).

La familia

Tio Alberto, Maria, Tia MaAngeles, and Alberto.

And so we headed down the driveway....

Towards the convent...

Daniela carried the arras for the wedding ceremony.

Where Javi awaited his bride...

Christian peeks out as Maria walks down the aisle.

The church acoustics were perfect for the 24-voice chorus, Voces de Toranzo. Sarito's son, Jose, is part of group (Toranzo is the valley in which the village of Soto-Iruz is located). The church was decorated with hydrangeas, which are abundant throughout the northern part of Spain. Maria, who resides in Madrid, wanted to celebrate her wedding in Cantabria; it was always a secret wish of my mother's to marry in El Convento.

And then we went to the reception in a nearby village called Villacarriedo at the Palacio de Sonanes.

We left the three little ones, Gaby, Simone, and Jojo, with Tata before heading off to the reception. There was a language barrier between Gaby and Tata, and I made the mistake of not having Gaby's favorite blue blanket on his bed. Tata later told us that Gaby cried much of the night and she described him telling her, "ka ta, ka ta, ka ta..." and then crying when she did not understand what he wanted. He never did warm up to poor Tata.

Because the pictures taken up to this point on my digital camara were erased...grrr...I am unable to share many more photos that I took of the food we ate, as well as pictures of friends and family at the reception.

Mike had arrived the day of the wedding because his flight had been CANCELLED the day before! He had to purchase a last minute ticket from Madrid to Santander and had no rest and was jet lagged. Somehow he managed to enjoy the evening, which lasted until 5:30 the next morning. The several whiskey cokes and Cuban cigars must've worked wonders; my Dad liked that side of Mike.

When we arrived to the reception, there were cocktails and hors d'oeuvres on the patio -- and what food! The best hams, chorizos, seafood, and cheeses kept coming round on trays. And then dinner was served around 10:30. The first entree was pistachio crusted pate with a center of membrillo (much like quince) -- Mike passed on that, so more for us! The second entree was a fabulous salad with a whole lobster -- Mike passed on that, oh but we were lucky to sit near him! The third entree was steak -- Mr. Meat and Potatoes was finally happy. Then the layered pastry cake was delicious, along with the sweets, coffee and liquers. Dinner ended around midnight, and then it was time for dancing! But first the fireworks; Javi is from Valencia and fireworks are traditional for weddings.

At 3:00 AM the chocolate con churros were served along with mini sandwiches (bocadillos). So much fun and good food. If ever you have a chance to attend a Spanish wedding, I highly recommend it. Mike said it was the best wedding he has ever been to and he told everyone as much -- after several whiskey cokes Mike was in Happy Land. Drinks are a 'personality enhancer' for him, but unfortunately the windy roads back to Soto did not agree with Mike and it was a rough reminder of all that he had consumed.

Javi and Maria's friends came from all over Spain, Europe, and beyond. Many comments were made about how much the pair of them meant to each one. A joyful celebration, indeed.

Mom and Dad's Anniversary Celebration

Forty years of marriage is a milestone, and my parents wanted to share it with all of us. They took us to a restaurant where we had a merienda in the evening with endless tapas in our own dining room. It was made more special because our cousins, aunt and uncle joined us. My uncle presented my parents with a lovely framed photo of her wedding and some nice words were shared about her "bravery". My mother married at the age of 22 by proxy to my father. My father could not afford to go back to Spain to attend the ceremony, so my uncle (my mom's brother) stood in for him at the wedding! My grandparents would absolutely not let her leave the country without first being married. She then bravely set off for America alone a few months later to meet my dad. I don't know many people who could do that either.

Then my brothers and I took my parents to El Oso restaurant a few days later in the beautiful mountains (Picos de Europa) near the town of Potes.

The hotel across from El Oso.

Some friendly Brits who travel annually through the mountains let Gaby check out their ride.

There is more to share, and since it is becoming harder to edit and paste photos onto this particular entry, I'll continue soon.