Señor
dame paciencia
pero damela
URGENTEMENTE
Hanging on my walls are ceramics that I've picked up in Spain. The above message is on a tile which hangs at the foot of the stairs in the house. Translation: "Lord, give me patience, but give it to me NOW." I think that I am the mother to three boys because I've constantly prayed for patience throughout my life. Sometimes prayers are answered in ways unexpected. Instead of being given the grace of patience, I gave birth to three boys within four years to show me how to attain this virtue. At least that's what I think. Either that or God has a sense of humor.
The night before I went to Ohio to visit Mike I tried for the second or third time to go to Confession. I was panicked because it was overdue and I had not had Communion for close to six weeks. At our church, you have to arrive 30 minutes before Confession to wait in line, and so I brought the boys with me because I had no other choice. I was leaving on a flight the next day and a) I hate flying, b) I didn't want to die in flight without having a last Confession, and c) I was determined to get it done. The other times I had attempted to go the last penitent was either a person or two ahead of me in line. Sometimes I wish the priest would just pop his head out and look at the line of psyched-up, just-let-me-get-this-over-with people and take pity on us by allowing a few minutes extra. I always seem to get stuck behind the person who hasn't been to Confession in years and who takes an extra five precious minutes or so. That's why I write a list so I'm prepared. Then I burn it or shred it. I also have my handy Act of Contrition card that, for the life of me, I can't seem to memorize.
But, oh, how difficult it is to contemplate my sins, pray, and find that quiet place in my mind to focus when three boys are running between pews. This day I had to leave the line several times to stop Jojo from standing on the pew while reaching over the row ahead of him. I had to stop Gaby from bothering Jojo. I had to ask Christian numerous times to stay still in one spot so his brothers would do the same. But then Gaby would get too close to Christian and Christian would scoot further away from him and me. Or he would sneak around the pew behind him to hide from his brothers. Everyone in line got to enjoy this circus.
But then Jojo, who is going through the way-worse-than-twos stage at the age of three and is quite stubborn decided to stand on the pew once again and reach over to the pew in front of him. I gave him another warning. Only this time he slipped and fell onto the hard floor flat on his back. How he did not hit his head I do not know. There was an audible gasp from the line of people. When I went to Jojo he was lying there looking straight up at the ceiling with a stunned expression. He started to wail when I picked him up and I carried him back to my place in line. I whispered loudly to Christian and Gaby to sit still! hush! see what happened?! stop it! enough!
Finally, the priest arrived and we were about 6th in line. A thought struck me: why doesn't anyone ahead of me see my struggles and offer to let me go ahead of them? Maybe they were in the same boat, though. Maybe they too had tried to make a Confession before and missed getting in by one or two people and hell if they were going to lose their place in line! I can't blame them. But still, I was annoyed and frustrated.
We made it to the front of the line, and when the lady ahead of me came out of the confessional, I instructed Gaby and Christian to wait right outside of the booth as I went in with Jojo. I was afraid Jojo would hurt himself, and I didn't trust his brothers to watch him.
I quickly knelt down with Jojo beside me in front of the screen.
Father: "How old is your child?"
Me: "He's three."
Father: "Can he understand anything you are about to confess?"
Me: "No. His older brothers are waiting outside."
Father: "Go ahead with your confession."
Me: "Bless me Father, I have sinned...it's been two months since my last confession..."
About 30 seconds later I blurted out all sins. What a relief! But still, I was annoyed and feeling angry at my kids.
Father: "Why didn't you attempt to make a confession earlier?"
Me: "I did try once or twice before...." and I explained what happened. Still, no excuse for not trying harder.
My sins were absolved and penance given. I made my Act of Contrition and it was then that Jojo decided to add his two cents worth. I'm sure he was fascinated by the stranger's voice coming through the screen.
Me: "Oh My God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee.."
JoJo, with face fairly close to the screen: "And I want to go to Chuck E. Cheese!"
Me, pulling Jojo closer to me: "...Who art all good and ..."
Jojo, struggling away from me, louder: "And we go to the park!"
Me, struggling with Jojo, louder: "I firmly resolve..."
Jojo, with face mashed against the screen: "We go to Chuck E. Cheese!"
Me: "...to avoid the near occasions of sin. Amen. Oh, one more confession Father: I'm real angry with these kids and I have no patience with them."
Father was gracious, although I detected a little impatience in his voice. Oh, if he only knew what I'd just been through maybe he'd understand. Or, maybe the priest had been praying for patience and this was one of those teaching moments God likes to send our way.
